Struggling

I'm going to start off with the positives in my life right now - the amount of activity I've been doing. First, Friday morning I went on a nice, LONG, slow, relaxing bike ride with a friend of mine. We went almost 28 miles, at a pretty easy pace of 10 mph on average.

 

Then on Saturday it was raining, so I ran on the treadmill. A while back I bought an app for my phone that trains for a half marathon, which I'll start to use next spring to prepare for my first half in August, but I decided to pick a day in the app to try on the treadmill. I skipped all the way to week 9 day one, which consisted of a five minute warm-up, five minute cool down, and 8 repeats of four minutes running/one minute walking. I thought it might be easy enough to do, yet hard enough to push me. HA! It was HARD!!! I really struggled and had to slow down my pace during the running and walking intervals about half way through. It did help, though, that at one point I had to run to the bathroom because I about peed myself! I've heard that running long distances makes you have to pee, but I didn't realize the urgency! Although, I did just have a baby, and that messes with your bodily functions, but whatever... this is probably too much information for you anyways. I was so ticked because my Nike app allows for use on a treadmill, but it was WAY inaccurate as far as the miles and I can't figure out how to adjust it. There's a place where you can input how far you actually went, but it wouldn't let me change the mileage to more than one mile, and according to my treadmill I went 3.786 miles. According to Daily Mile, my pace was 13'13" which is GREAT!! I would have made it an even 4 miles, but my hubby was watching the baby and had to leave, so I had to quit at 50 minutes. Plus, I was pretty tired out and my shins were starting to tire, so I'm glad I didn't have the time to push myself. That's the good thing about running on a treadmill for me - I really push myself. When I'm on the treadmill, I'm forced to keep a steady pace at whatever mph I set it at and keep at it for a certain amount of time. When I'm not on the treadmill, though, it's really easy to slow down and judge my effort by distance rather than time (so for example, I'll say I need to keep jogging until I get to the next tree rather than jogging for five minutes at a time).

This is the pic from my app. HA, it says I kept a 111'39" pace!! I'm pretty sure a snail keeps a faster pace than that!

 

This morning my dad and I went on a ride to make up for the ride we missed on Saturday because of the rain. We went farther than usual, but slower as well. It still felt good.

 

Anyways, September 11th. Tomorrow. A day to remember those who've fought for this country. A day to remember those who lost their lives in the attack on our country. A day to remember a good friend because it's her birthday. And now, a day to start a new fitness challenge! (Though that's not even half as important as the other reasons as to why September 11th is so significant)



I will make sure I post all of the official rules and information tomorrow morning. If you want to participate, you must post your own official weigh-in on your blog. Also, you'll have to comment on my post tomorrow so I know to check your blog for your first weigh-in. Otherwise I won't know if you're participating or not. :) I'm SO excited to start! I've made the decision to finally start taking advantage of my Weight Watchers subscription for the challenge.

 

That leads me into my whining and complaining part of my post. So, if you don't want to hear that, stop reading now and have a wonderful week! Otherwise, here it is. I'm struggling. Really struggling. I weighed myself the other day and I finally saw a 1 in the front. 199.8. But, then I weighed myself this morning and I was back into the 200s. Also, the weather is cooling down, so I went into my closet yesterday to find some pants. NONE of my pants fit. NONE. I have no jeans to wear. The only things that fit are my maternity clothes. The size 14 jeans that always looked so huge to me are now so small I can't get them up over my thighs (stupid thunder thighs). My first thought was, "Great, now I'm going to have to change my profile on my blog because I'm not going from a size 14 down to an 8, I'm going from probably an 18 to an 8." When I take a step back and realize how big I am and how far I have to go to get to where I want to be, I'm so overwhelmed. It's such a daunting task. I mean, with all the activity I'm doing, you'd think the pounds would just melt off. But they aren't. And I have no clothes to fit me. Also, I've been so lazy with my looks lately. I haven't put on any make-up in months. I rarely do my hair anymore - just throw it up still wet into a ponytail and call it a day. I just keep thinking, "What's the point in trying to look nice when I'm so big?" What's the point in doing my hair when I still have such a fat ass? What's the point in wearing anything other than a baggy tshirt when my stomach is so nasty? Why bother putting on make-up when it's just going to accentuate my chubby cheeks? I know I shouldn't have this attitude, but I do and I just can't help it. For a while I won't feel like I'm any different than I was a year ago, but then I look in the mirror or catch my reflection in a window and I can hardly believe I'm looking at my own body. I've been putting off taking progress pictures for this blog because I can't stand looking at myself. I guess I didn't think losing the weight would be quite this hard. Usually it gets hard when you get closer to goal, but I'm already struggling and I have 70 pounds to go! 70 POUNDS!! That's a small child! I need to take the equivalent of a small child off of my legs, stomach and arms. Stepping back and looking at the situation I begin to think I'll NEVER be able to get there! How in the world am I ever going to be able to lose 70 pounds??? It seems so impossible!

 

I don't know. I mean, I have faith in myself and in God that He'll help me get there. It just seems so far away and out of reach right now. I did find this pic and felt a little inspiration:

 

Another part of my problem is that I'm literally busting my nonexsistent balls off and my hubby is losing at least a pound a day doing next to nothing. It really bothers me that I'm struggling so much and he's not. I'm jealous, I'll admit. Plus it bothers me that he's only, like, 30 pounds heavier than me. Guys are SUPPOSED to weigh more than girls (I mean, let's be honest, who really likes the look of a scrawny guy?), but not by only 30 pounds!

 

Well, enough whining for today. Be sure to stop by tomorrow to get involved in the fitness challenge!! And good luck to everyone!!!! Have a fabulous week! :)

 

Oh, and here's a pic of my little man. I just couldn't end this without one! We're ready for football season!