Thursday, March 31, 2011


Ok I think it's time to set some goals, so here goes nothing:

*Ultimate weight: 130
*In the month of April I'd like to get into the 150s (preferably the low 150s)
*I want to start jogging/running/walking (whatever you want to call it) every morning for a half an hour. This is going to be tough because I have a hard enough time waking up when I do, let alone waking up a half hour earlier to get on the treadmill. I'm going to have to literally sleep in workout clothes in order to do this during the week! This extra half hour is going to be in addition to my regular workout schedule. I decided on this when I realized how much trouble I had running outside yesterday. I want to be able to run outside better than that! I mean, I'm really proud of myself, but it makes me want to strive for more/better/longer runs.
*Track my food better. I usually keep a mental note of how many calories I've consumed, but I'm not consistent in the least bit. Plus I let binges freak me out and I stop tracking for days and I get all out of control for a while. I need to get over those instances quicker and get back on track right away rather than stewing for days.

One way I might do the whole tracking thing is through Weight Watchers online. Last night I signed up for the free week to try it out. I've used WW plenty of times and had good success but I didn't keep up with it and ended up just gaining it back. I like the new system. Pros: you get more points each week and for the weekly extra, fruits are worth ZERO, and activity points have been adjusted nicely (before I would try to track a spinning class where I'd burn hundreds of calories and it would give me two points, which never made any sense because a food that was 100 calories would be worth the same two points). Cons: the points for most foods have gone up, and I'll need to relearn all the points for quick reference. The pros definitely out-weigh the cons, so I think I'm going to like it.

Anyways, I'm going to give those things a shot starting Monday when life gets back to normal. I know it sounds like the typical attitude of "I'm starting my diet on Monday" but I'm not like that. It would be pretty much impossible to get on that kind of schedule while on vacation, so I'm just going to keep making good healthy choices and try to get exercise in while in Florida. I'm still serious about weight loss right now, but I need to be at home and have all those resources in order to achieve the goals I've set.

By the way, I would have ran again today but it's storming. And when I say storming, I mean STORMING!! There are tornado warnings and sightings all over near where we are (I'm talking within five miles of us!!). Plus I got burnt yesterday on my neck and arms so it'll be a good thing to stay out of direct sunlight for a day. But tomorrow it's supposed to be beautiful, so I'm going to give the whole running thing another shot then.

Well here's to an exciting start at a new set of goals!! Woohooo! :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I did it!!!

Well it wasn't raining this morning like I had hoped so I had to stay true to my word to myself. I did it, I went running on the beach this morning!! I'm so proud of myself. It was definitely hard. I was winded and sweaty pretty much right from the get go, but I pushed myself. I went pretty far, and then when I couldn't run any further I turned around and did intervals of running and walking to get back. Remember those crazy speed limit signs I mentioned? I used those to mark my intervals. Walk between on set, run between the next two.

Ok, I admit I wasn't exactly RUNNING, it was more of a jog, but I like to fudge the details. I've never really known exactly how fast 'running' is anyways. I usually do 5 mph on the treadmill and call that running. Some may say that's more of a jog - whatever. :)

So I wish I knew just how far I went, but it doesn't really matter to me. The fact is I ran and I didn't die and even though it SUCKED the entire time and I HATED it, I still felt great afterward and I know I'm doing good for my body. Now, if only that runner's high would kick in!

I did take a sweaty yucky pic of myself as not only proof, but a reminder that I CAN do it so I have some confidence to try it again tomorrow:

Yucky!! I was so hot and sweaty I had to jump right into the pool when I got back to the condo. I wish this were my life everyday!!

It finally quit raining for a day. We spent the whole day on the beach. I finally got a little bit of a tan going on - well as much as my pale Irish skin allows me to get, it's usually more of a burn.

Anyways have a great day everyone!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Nope - I haven't ran outside yet...

So we are in Florida and are having a great time. My eating - not so good. My exercise - not too bad. My stepdaughter and I are walking every morning. This morning we had to have gone at least four miles!! We walked the whole way, and we certainly weren't in any hurry but we walked pretty quickly and it was nice. The problem though is I keep walking without shoes and it's tearing the soles of my feet up! A while back I read somewhere that the new thing is to run barefoot. Yeah right! I can't even walk on SAND barefoot that long! Note to self: keep the sandals on from now on. Anyways, I'm pretty happy with myself even though my eating isn't perfect. As long as I stay active it won't be too bad to get back into a decent routine when I get back.

One thing we did do that I was happy about was climb 205 stairs to the top of a lighthouse. I didn't even break a sweat! Though I was a little winded, I easily caught my breath. Yay!

I have not ran outside yet. In my last post I talked about trying it. The idea makes me really nervous. I know, I know, I'm chickening out! I have never ever ran outside before and I'm really scared to try it. What if I can't make it? What if I get far enough away and can't make it back? What if I can't handle running outside because it's so different than a treadmill??? I'm really scared. I want to try it really early in the morning some day when it's not busy. I saw a few heavier people running so I'm not worried about looking silly. That's the least of my worries - I look silly in a bathing suit, not running! It's just the thought of getting out there and having to walk instead of run. That would be letting myself down.

Well think good thoughts for me, I'm going to give it a shot tomorrow morning if it's not raining (please be raining, please be raining). And I know I've promised pics, but I still don't have any good ones. Later, I swear. :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, March 28, 2011

On vacation... and it's raining

So we made it to Florida. I LOVE our condo!! We are right on the beach, which is beautiful. We live in northeast Ohio so the beaches on Lake Erie are within minutes, but they definitely don't compare to the beaches down here. The sand is so soft and people actually DRIVE on the beach!!! It's so weird seeing speed limit signs on the beach. Anyways, the ridiculous thing is it's supposed to rain all week. Of course that's just our luck! It's still warm, which is awesome because at home it's only like 30 degrees right now. But the stupid weather man keeps saying how happy he is that it's going to be rainy all week because it's been so dry for so long! Grrr! Of course we come down the only week it rains in months.

Well I wasn't worried about getting fitness in, but since we got down here and I realized there is not workout room, I'm a little more concerned. I need a treadmill or something! I am not accustomed to running outdoors yet. I'm going to have to now darn it. It'll be a crash course in running outside!

My eating hasn't been too bad. We have lots of snack food around and I've resisted in partaking for the most part. My hubby did by golden oreos though which are my FAVE!! Just a couple at a time, not the whole package!!

Well I'll end this post with a few pics. I am able to keep up with my reading for the most part on my iPhone but I must warn you, my typing may not be perfect with this whole auto correct thing so if something doesn't make sense, that's why and I apologize in advance!!

Have a good one everybody!!

Here is one of a jellyfish that washed ashore.

I'll get a few of our condo at some point.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, March 25, 2011

Article on Binging

So today I was sitting in the doctor's office waiting for my appointment reading a WebMD magazine and BAM, out of nowhere appears this short article on binging!! I was pumped!

It's kind of hard to read, but the questions was, "I stick to my diet until my stress level hits a certain point. Then I binge and feel horrible. How can I stop?" Although I do not stress-eat, I do binge from the overwhelming feeling of trying to keep up with a diet and staying away from unhealthy food. It comes down to this - I just want to be able to eat what I want, when I want and however much I want. And after a couple weeks on a good diet, I start to freak myself out and crave sweets, and that leads to my binges. My binges have been known to include as much as 3000 calories in a matter of minutes! What I got most out of this article was this: "Get help learning new problem solving skills - ones that are productive and constructive, not self-destructive." I do feel that this is exactly what I'm doing. I'm searching for things to do instead of binging. I'm looking for ideas keep myself under control! It's so crazy that I can't do this on my own!!

Anyways, my family and I are heading to Florida tomorrow night. It's going to be quite a drive for us, but it'll be SO worth it to get into warm weather! We are spending spring break down in New Smyrna Beach at a condo right on the ocean. I so can't wait. I've been working on figuring out how I'm going to keep up with blogging. We aren't sure if there is going to be wireless in the condo, so I downloaded the BlogPress app for my iPhone so I can at least post. Then, I figured out how I can read everyone else's blogs with my internet and Google Reader on my phone as well. But, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to be able to keep up as well, so please forgive me.

Speaking of other blogs, I'm desperately searching for some fresh, new blogs to read. Of course I follow the usual - Bitch Cakes, Drazil, Debbie, MrsFatass, and Jack Sh*t to name a few of my faves - but I want some new blogs to get into. I remember last year, when I first started blogging, I was following a TON of blogs. Everyone seemed to be on daily posting new things that made me laugh, cry, happy, sad, mad, etc. etc. etc. and I really enjoyed getting to know others through this crazy technology we are blessed with nowadays. But, I went through the list of blogs I follow and found that most of them haven't posted in months! WHERE'D EVERYONE GO?? So, if you have any suggestions, feel free to do so. :)

Back to the topic of vacation - I'm a little nervous about what it's going to do on my diet. I'm hoping I can get plenty of physical activity in. I'm definitely going to miss going to the Y to do spinning and aerobics, plus I'll miss the luxury of having my treadmill handy for a late night run. Not to mention, my hubby and I have really gotten into raquetball. We play at least once a week and play as a team against my aunt and uncle at times too. We have kind of a rivalry going on - the first time we played we beat them most of the games, and the second time they beat us most of the games. It's pretty fun actually! But, anyways, I don't want to get lazy because I know how quickly being in shape fades when you don't exercise for a while. Even taking just a week off makes cardio a little more difficult! I'm not too worried about my eating. We won't have to eat out too much because we are going to have a full kitchen and everything. What I am concerned about, though, is drinking. I LOVE drinking a few cold ones while relaxing on the beach. That's actually a large part of my weight gain over last summer. I have a pretty fun bad habit of taking some alcohol to our pool and spending the day lounging around getting drunk tipsy relaxed. I suppose I can control myself and limit it to just a few couple one each day. We'll see.

Well, have a nice night all!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Advice from an unlikely source...

Ok, Ok, OK, fine, I'll start using correct grammar and punctuation in my blog posts. I AM sophisticated now, if you remember from a previous post, and so should my writing. I mean, I am a teacher - as a matter of fact, I'm a Language Arts teacher - so I do know how to write, and therefore should make that known. I've always been picky about my spelling, but I really liked writing in one long continuous sentence. Oh well, it's time to turn over a new leaf.

Speaking of new "leaves", I bought a new scale last night. Here it is!!


I was SO pumped to pull it out and step on (the first time THAT'S ever happened, trust me!).

As I did, I wasn't shocked at the weight part, I was shocked about the body fat part. I mean, I know I'm overweight, but jeez! The first picture below shows my weight and hydration level. I'm not sure exactly what the hydration level means until I look through the instructions a little more in depth.

So, here it is, the dreaded body fat percentage:

Ok, 38.6% doesn't sound like a lot, but after looking through the brochure thingy, I should be at more like less than 18%!!!! WHAT???? WOW!! As a matter of fact, it says anything over 28% is "very high". Oh crap. (By the way, sorry about the blurry picture - the stinking scale only shows each screen for something like 1.4 seconds, so I was trying to hurry.)

So I'm not only going to have to worry about the weight number, but now this stupid body fat number. Jeez, this just keeps getting more and more difficult. But I'm ready for the challenge. I work out quite a bit - so there's no problem there. I just REALLY need to get my diet in check!

Anyways, getting to the whole point of this post, I got advice from a very unlikely source today. Not that I shouldn't seek out advice from this guy, I just wasn't expecting it. Long story short, I headed up a 'Biggest Loser' competition at the junior high (where I work) with other teachers. I knew the competition was going to be tough, but I was ready. After the first half, I started to fizzle out. I started binging a lot and freaking out, and I just kind of gave up. I continued to work towards a weight loss goal, but I tried to keep my mind off the competition. I think the stress of it all made me kind of crazy!

So, the guy that actually won the competition lost 24 pounds. Yes, you read that right - 24 pounds!!! And did I mention it was over the course of nine weeks?? YEAH! Go him! When I saw his final weigh-in weight I about died! I even wrote in the announcement for the winners that I fear he may have had a limb cut off and perhaps we should check on him, because I just couldn't believe it! I was SO impressed!!

He came into my classroom to get his prize ($220!) and in the process we were able to talk about how he did it. Here are some of his strategies:
1. he brushes his teeth and gargles mouthwash after dinner and at any time he has a snack craving in order to stay away from snacking at night
2. portion control, portion control, portion control! he even measures his cereal in the morning
3. cutting out unnecessary calories (he used to go home and drink a big glass of chocolate milk after school everyday, but quit that habit)
4. playing the wii - just dance; he said he dances to a few songs every night with his wife (believe it or not, you can get quite a workout from that game, I know, I've done it!!)
5. eating small meals four times a day
6. eating a mostly vegetarian diet

Ok, I know what you're thinking - I've heard all this before. And so have I. But it seems different coming from someone who's actually tried it, had it work, and that I can actually look at and SEE the difference! I had to ask him, though, how he's not hungry all the time. He said that he is hungry all the time, but just gets over it. He's the type that could absolutely stuff himself and go back for more. I can totally relate! He simply chooses not to eat when it's not time. Basically, it comes down to mind over matter. When he said he's hungry all the time, he also mentioned that his stomach doesn't growl all the time. I really thing that means that he is craving food all the time, but isn't ACTUALLY hungry. I would LOVE to have that kind of self control!

So, even though he specifically stated the above six pieces of advice, the moral of his story that I really got out of the conversation is that sometimes it's all in my head and that I need to find my own ways of getting over it. I have to decide - am I really hungry? Or am I just wanting food? Do I really need to eat right now? Plus, I really liked his idea of brushing my teeth or using mouthwash. I do HATE the taste of food right after I've brushed my teeth. Plus, I have braces, and I hate the feeling of food being stuck in the brackets. Therefore, after I brush my teeth, I feel really refreshed and I don't like messing up that feeling by eating anything.

Well, hey, you learn something new every day, right? Find a way to overcome your own obstacles and you're one step closer to your goal. Have a great day everyone!!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

figuring it all out

well, seeing as how i'm back after quite a while, and how everyone else's blogs got a facelift (you HAVE to check out Drazil's, it's SOOO cute!), i decided to change mine around as well... now, i'm certainly not as savvy as others, and therefore mine is just a standard template, but it's fitting... my old blog had a ladybug, which i love (my entire kitchen is decorated in red and black) and my favorite flower, the daisy... but i've grown up a little, ok a lot, over the past year... it's time for me to be sophisticated... and being that my blog's name is fitness JOURNAL, i figured maybe i should make it look like one as well... so here it is - tada! i'm still figuring some things out... i found a website - - where i can customize things even further, but i'll get to it eventually... i'm a smart person, but it'll take me a few tries to get it all right and down pat before i actually apply it to this blog (i'm going to start one to practice with)...

so i'm pretty excited about all that...

also, i've added a weight tracker widget... i don't quite like it the way it is, but it's a start... i think seeing my weight and weigh-in numbers will help bring it to reality... it'll keep it in my face! sometimes i forget that i'm overweight and feel comfortable with myself and slack off in my eating and such... but, then i see myself in the mirror and it's hard to look at... my mentality is still stuck in my 135 pound body... sometimes i even will maneuver myself around and run into something with my hips, almost as if i misjudged how much room it would take me to move... silly me...

so it's all about responsibility... taking charge of myself, forcing myself to eat well and exercise, and i do believe these changes to my blog will help me with it all... now, if only i don't fade out and forget to come back!

it's been quite stressful around my household lately... so much is going on financially... then, my oldest stepdaughter is heading to college at the end of the summer... i can't believe she's gotten so old already... she was in fifth grade when my husband and i got together... she's another weight watchers success story by the way - she lost like 30 pounds between her sixth and seventh grade years... she was quite chunky there for a while... now, she's totally blossomed into a beautiful woman... she definitely still has some curves, but i'm jealous of them!! she's a picture perfect hourglass shape with a gorgeous face... and boobs! boy does she have boobs! she could give me half of those knockers and still have a nice chest! my small size b's hardly compare! please, don't think i'm a pervert or anything, you'd think the same if you saw her! :)

ANYWAYS, back to the point of it all, she's leaving soon, and even though she'll be back often to visit and everything, it's still a new step in life that my hubby hasn't had to deal with yet... and she's definitely a daddy's girl... i have a feeling he's going to take it pretty hard when she's actually gone... he's such an amazing dad... so supportive and loving... he's so close with her and i worry about them both... not to mention i'm going to miss her so much too! sometimes she's the only bit of sanity in our family that kind of holds us together... and it's so funny how she's growing up too... our family isn't one to cuss very often, but a few phrases do slip from time to time... she used the words "suck c***" the other day and my husband about fell off his chair... she walked away and he looked at me and whispered "did you hear that?"... i had to keep myself from snickering... she's just about 18 - what are we going to do, wash her mouth out with soap? and he has no room to talk, anything that doesn't work like he wants it to he calls a "c***sucker"... it's just that time: accept that she's grown up and move on...

well, there isn't anything else to post on the food/health/fitness front... luckily i've been pretty stable as far as binging is concerned... though, we are going on vacation next week, which i'm sure will reek havoc on my diet... but, if i keep myself under control before and after, i'll be fine...

i'm off to make tacos for my hungry hubby (he's threatened to get on my blog and make nasty comments if i don't wrap this up soon)... have a nice evening all!!

Monday, March 21, 2011

CHECK this guy out!!!

by the way, check out this article on yahoo news today! if that doesn't motivate you to achieve your goals, i don't know what will! this man became the heaviest to ever finish a marathon at 400 pounds!

i love jack... just don't tell my husband...

jack sh*t has always been one of my favorite bloggers... even when i took the long hiatus from blogging, i still kept up with him via facebook... so, when i saw this lovely number this morning, i decided to give it a try... here goes:

Achilles heel: i'm assuming this means my weakness? and if that's the case, it would have to be ice cream
Battle cry: i'm awesome! or "one more mile"
Casket size: i have a feeling my hubby is going to fit me with cement shoes and throw me in our pond before it gets this far :) (i tend to drive him nuts)
Deformity: i'm pretty sure there are watermelons growing in my thighs
Embarrassing nickname: meth... get it, crystal "meth"... i yi yi....
Fish I’d most like to be if I were somehow, for some reason, forced to be turned into a fish: i'd like to be a sea horse... does that count as a fish? prob not, but oh well
Getaway route: straight to europe... though that'll never happen
Hillbilly name: Linda Sue Carter... i've heard worse! you have to click here to get to the name generator
Inanimate object I most resemble: my iphone... it's so much like me - smart, technologically advanced and easily used... :)
“Jack”, Favorite blogger named: ummmm jack sh*t... are there any others?
Knot I have most trouble untying: the one in my stomach
Last lesson learned: some people never change
Middle letter of middle name: r
Nearest Chinese restaurant: just a few miles in several different directions (i don't know why we have so many around here)
Oldest person I know: there's a guy my papa helps out a little bit once in a while, nelson, the guy is older than God i swear!
Pancakes, Favorite topping for: chocolate syrup! but since i never eat it that way, regular syrup i guess
Quality I wish I had more of: patience!! and frugality... is that even a word? i mean how to be more frugal...
Rap artist I’d most like to chillax with: onika tanya maraj... aka nicki minaj... i LOVE her
Salad dressing I despise most: bleu cheese, who puts that crap on a SALAD???
TV show I wish would disappear forever: you know, i really don't hate any tv show, but i guess i could do without 16 and pregnant... those stupid girls are making it seem so easy to have a kid that young and some of my students are getting the wrong impression... they have NO idea! freaking idiots (the girls on the show, not my students)....
Underwear, Favorite kind/color: i really like my cotton boy shorts... very comfy... in any color, though my hubby prefers red
Vice that I wish I could do away with: my love of anything sugar... it'd be so much easier to lose weight!
Website that I check first every day: i hate to admit, but probably facebook...
Xerox, Funniest thing I’ve copied on: ummmmmmmmm, i've never abused my copying privileges in any way, no naked pics of my butt or anything... i guess it'd have to be silly pictures of me and my friends or something... lame-o!
“Yes,” Dumbest thing to which I’ve answered: will you marry me... JUST KIDDING! i love being married to my hubby - i'm sure HE'S the one regretting it now, he he he... anyways, i'm not sure on this one, i'll get back to you... look for it in one of my next few posts
Zombie, Favorite “brain” dish if I ever became a: can i pick lasagna?

so yeah, took a little break from the same ole same ole and told you all a little about myself... have a good one!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

dairy queen is open for business...

...and i've taken full advantage... which is ok... i just can't do it once a week... maybe once a month...

i weighed in yesterday and today... 165 both days... i'm ok with that... for today at least... i did see a pic of me from a few years ago recently, tho, and felt really depressed... i was so thin! my belly was so flat... it's so hard to swallow... but i'm ok today, and that's a huge deal... i haven't been ok for quite a while... which has led to me binging even worse... i really think getting back to blogging has made a difference in me...

my husband and i are having some financial issues... it's stressing us both out tremendously... it's a very long and complicated story, so i'm not going to go into it, but i'm pretty sure he's going to end up with a bleeding ulcer or something... he hasn't been sleeping very well... i'm very concerned... i know things will work out and we will be ok, but it's a very hard situation to go through... this has only really been affecting my eating slightly... i've never really been much of a stress eater anyways, luckily... with how bad i binge sometimes and how stressed i can be, i'm lucky i don't - i'd be a thousand pounds at least by now!

i'm starting to get spring fever, that's for sure... if i had any ambition right now, i'd be outside on my bike... i can't WAIT to get out there!! my ambition is lacking because i know how cold it'll be... i have the gear, but it's only 35 degrees... that makes it dangerous as far as ice on the roads and stuff... i mean, i COULD do it, i'm just not motivated enough to deal with all that... i supplement my eagerness with spinning classes at the y, but it's just not the same... as a matter of fact, yesterday during class, the teacher/leader/whatever-you-call-the-position took us "up a hill" (done by gradually increasing the resistance) and on the way "back down" she said something along the lines of us coasting down the hill... i envisioned what it is like to actually be on a downhill, and the feeling just can't be replicated on a stationary bike in a small crowded room at your local y... i love feeling the wind in my hair... i love tucking down and gaining speed... it's just a freeing feeling... i can't wait to get back to it...

anyways, i'm doing well so far, and i'm just trying hard to keep at it... i'm ready for challenges and stresses and all that... i'm also taking my daily caloric intake down to 1600... that will help me lose a little better without restricting too much... here's to a new day!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

well hello there

so the past few days have been ok... yes, just ok... i've been snacking... more than i should... but not TOO bad... i'm sure most of you know who bitch cakes is... well, she truly inspired me... i've been catching up on all the posts i haven't read in almost a year... did you know she is down to her goal weight?!? she's done SO well!! but it has taken her a while... and she's gone up and down with her weight... she's struggled... she's binged... she's worked out... she's eaten healthy... she's gotten depressed... she's been happy... but she's there... she's at her goal! that made me realize that i can too... even when i binge... even when i work out... even when i eat healthy foods... even when i'm depressed and happy... someday, i can be there too... i just have to keep my eyes on the prize... so even if i only lose a half a pound a week, even if it takes a whole year, i'll get there someday... i think that's a part of why i get all crazy and binge so bad... i decide to lose weight, then i eat healthy for a week or so, i see some results, then all of a sudden i have a week where i don't lose much or at all, and BAM i freak out and binge for days... i think i just get so worked up about losing the weight quickly that i stress myself out... i think - ok, if i lose two pounds a week and i'll be down ten in five... but that is just NOT possible for me! i can last on a diet that is that restrictive for about a week and then i do all that freaking out stuff! so, from now on, i'm going to stick to about 1800 calories a day coming in, and working out at least four days a week... the working out part is definitely not hard for me... first of all, i already teach a step class at the y on saturday mornings... then, i'm once again getting ready for the ms 150 (a 150 mile bike ride for multiple sclerosis), so i've been taking a couple spinning classes a week, and if i can't make those i've been on the stationary or trainer... i also plan to make it to yoga on tuesday nights from now on (already went this week to start it off, i haven't been able to make tuesday nights because of my stepdaughters basketball games, but the season's over now!)... BUT the 1800 calories - not so easy...

i'll be working on it... and if that amount of calories means i lose less than a pound a week, well then i lose less than a pound a week... and it will take me 60 weeks to get to where i want to be... but hey, i'll get there... and i'm going to try my best! here we go!...............

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

catchin' up

so yeah, here i am, after almost a year... i've decided to get back to writing on my blog... it's so great to have support and read others' posts, etc...

as i noted in my previous post, i gained quite a bit of weight since i stopped blogging... i've been working on it a little bit and am back down to 165 now, but this is SO not enough... if you look back to my very first post way back in february of last year, i was around 140... yeah, that's like four sizes smaller than i am now :(

so here i am, wondering what really got me here... well, first of all, we sat around the campfires drinking and eating junk like hotdogs, campfire pies and smores all summer last year... then, there's my binging... it hasn't gotten any better... i'll be really good for about a week, then all of a sudden i just start freaking out... it's almost as if i self sabotage because i don't WANT myself to lose weight... like there's another personality inside me telling me to eat and eat and eat... now, don't get me wrong, i don't believe in split personalities and stuff like that, so i don't ACTUALLY think there's someone else inside me (although it would explain quite a bit, just ask my husband)... but, this is the only way i can describe it... i mean, in one sitting, i can consume upwards of 3000 calories... seriously? how is this possible??? i mean, i eat healthy things too! but i'll eat multiple servings of everything i eat... ok, so maybe i can see the amount of calories, because obviously not all the stuff i eat is low-cal... but where does all that food go? they say that your stomach is only about the size of your fist... and have you ever seen my hands? no, i know you  haven't, but let me give you a hint at how tiny my hands are - my wedding ring is a size 4.5, even at this weight... i have teeny tiny bony little hands... so if that's the case, my belly is teeny tiny too... so where does the food go? do i have an extra stomach somewhere hanging out for times when i decide to binge???
well anyways, that's my problem... i eat A LOT... when everyone else is siuffering from indigestion and belly aches and everything else, i'm still eating...

well, there's my dilemma for this time around... weight loss round two... i've equipped myself with all kinds of information... i'm much more intelligent about food, calories, exercise, etc. now... i've read up on lots of things... especially the whole organic vs. nonorganic... i read a couple books by jillian michaels... one in particular - master your metabolism - really opened my eyes to that particular argument... jillian is all about organics... and i can truly see why... now, don't get me wrong, i'm not the type to believe everything that i hear, and i'm a very skeptical person... so that's why i'm so educated now... and come to find out, jillian knows her stuff! though, i'm sure most of you already figured that... i read a few of michael pollan's books as well, and you wouldn't BELIEVE the stuff they've written about! as of right now, my diet is about 75% organic... i've been very conscious about what i'm buying at the supermarket... as a matter of fact, i ate a fiber one bar today, and it was the first snack bar i've had in forever... to tell you the truth, i wasn't impressed... it kind of tasted yucky... just how sweet it was and everything... it just, kind of, well, made my lip curl... i don't really know how else to explain it... because as i've already said, i haven't been an angel with my eating.... i have eaten lots of very unhealthy things... for example - vanilla oreos... love them! but to be honest, most of the things i've binged on that are considered sweets have been homemade... my stepdaughter loves to bake... when she's around, we always have cookies in stock... and i eat lots of them...

but then, my binges do include healthy but high-cal foods, such as almonds... there for a while, i ate tons of almonds... i ate almost a whole bag in one sitting one night... so, i ran out and didn't replenish my stock... and, they were organic almonds!

well, anyways, there's my blah blah blah for the day... like i said, i'm really excited to be back in... i LOVE reading everyone's posts... and i love having a place that i can just type and not worry about grammar or whether or not anyone actually reads it, because the point of this blog is to be a place that i can just rant....

so there... good night world :)

wow, it's certainly been a long time

so i've been gone for quite a while... around nine months to be exact... so where have i been? WELL, to make a long story short, i was out gaining upwards of 30 pounds... yes, 30... i just went crazy! i started eating nonstop! we're talking full out binging on everything in the house... i would eat anything in my way, and in large quantities! just recently, i started back on the whole lovely weight loss thing... i'm down to 165, which is still about 30 pounds from where i'd like to be, but i'm working on it...

i got a job, officially... i'm am a language arts co-teacher... my title is technically intervention specialist, because i'm in charge of the special ed aspect of the language arts curriculum for our class... i have a wonderful co-teacher and enjoy my job... for the most part... i'm working with eighth grade... yes, eighth... gotta LOVE the attitudes! so at least now i have soooo much more to blog about...

anyways, this is going to be a short post because i have to head to the y to work out... i'm coming back later tonight to post more... boy, do i have a LOT to catch up on! see you again soon....