so yeah, here i am, after almost a year... i've decided to get back to writing on my blog... it's so great to have support and read others' posts, etc...
as i noted in my previous post, i gained quite a bit of weight since i stopped blogging... i've been working on it a little bit and am back down to 165 now, but this is SO not enough... if you look back to my very first post way back in february of last year, i was around 140... yeah, that's like four sizes smaller than i am now :(
so here i am, wondering what really got me here... well, first of all, we sat around the campfires drinking and eating junk like hotdogs, campfire pies and smores all summer last year... then, there's my binging... it hasn't gotten any better... i'll be really good for about a week, then all of a sudden i just start freaking out... it's almost as if i self sabotage because i don't WANT myself to lose weight... like there's another personality inside me telling me to eat and eat and eat... now, don't get me wrong, i don't believe in split personalities and stuff like that, so i don't ACTUALLY think there's someone else inside me (although it would explain quite a bit, just ask my husband)... but, this is the only way i can describe it... i mean, in one sitting, i can consume upwards of 3000 calories... seriously? how is this possible??? i mean, i eat healthy things too! but i'll eat multiple servings of everything i eat... ok, so maybe i can see the amount of calories, because obviously not all the stuff i eat is low-cal... but where does all that food go? they say that your stomach is only about the size of your fist... and have you ever seen my hands? no, i know you haven't, but let me give you a hint at how tiny my hands are - my wedding ring is a size 4.5, even at this weight... i have teeny tiny bony little hands... so if that's the case, my belly is teeny tiny too... so where does the food go? do i have an extra stomach somewhere hanging out for times when i decide to binge???
well anyways, that's my problem... i eat A LOT... when everyone else is siuffering from indigestion and belly aches and everything else, i'm still eating...
well, there's my dilemma for this time around... weight loss round two... i've equipped myself with all kinds of information... i'm much more intelligent about food, calories, exercise, etc. now... i've read up on lots of things... especially the whole organic vs. nonorganic... i read a couple books by jillian michaels... one in particular - master your metabolism - really opened my eyes to that particular argument... jillian is all about organics... and i can truly see why... now, don't get me wrong, i'm not the type to believe everything that i hear, and i'm a very skeptical person... so that's why i'm so educated now... and come to find out, jillian knows her stuff! though, i'm sure most of you already figured that... i read a few of michael pollan's books as well, and you wouldn't BELIEVE the stuff they've written about! as of right now, my diet is about 75% organic... i've been very conscious about what i'm buying at the supermarket... as a matter of fact, i ate a fiber one bar today, and it was the first snack bar i've had in forever... to tell you the truth, i wasn't impressed... it kind of tasted yucky... just how sweet it was and everything... it just, kind of, well, made my lip curl... i don't really know how else to explain it... because as i've already said, i haven't been an angel with my eating.... i have eaten lots of very unhealthy things... for example - vanilla oreos... love them! but to be honest, most of the things i've binged on that are considered sweets have been homemade... my stepdaughter loves to bake... when she's around, we always have cookies in stock... and i eat lots of them...
but then, my binges do include healthy but high-cal foods, such as almonds... there for a while, i ate tons of almonds... i ate almost a whole bag in one sitting one night... so, i ran out and didn't replenish my stock... and, they were organic almonds!
well, anyways, there's my blah blah blah for the day... like i said, i'm really excited to be back in... i LOVE reading everyone's posts... and i love having a place that i can just type and not worry about grammar or whether or not anyone actually reads it, because the point of this blog is to be a place that i can just rant....
so there... good night world :)
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