a good foundation and strong pillars...
my first step is coming to the conclusion that i can't change anything about my past... but what i can change are the choices i make that lead to my future... this is something hard to get used to, because it's all about making healthy choices in order to control and maintain the weight i've lost, along with losing additional weight to get to where i want to be.. and need to be!
the conversation has come up recently and was discussed on ABC's Nightline Face Off about is it ok to be fat? and my opinion on the whole thing is based around the definition of fat... see, my husband is overweight and i don't think he's fat... sure, he has a belly, but that's it! if you were to measure both of our thighs and hips, he's much smaller than me... and when he flexes his arms, they are pure muscle (grrr :) ).. but according to his bmi, he's actually considered obese... sure, he could stand to lose a little weight, but his body is fine to me... he needs to lose a little to lower his blood pressure and simply to feel more comfortable, but i don't think he'll ever not be considered overweight with the amount of muscle he carries around... not to mention, he's started his journey to lose those extra pounds of fat... that's ok...
back when i was fat, i was so depressed about my weight... but i didn't do anything to fix it... that's not ok... people who don't care about how their weight is negatively effecting their health, that's not ok... people who choose not to do anything about weight, especially if they are to the point where it is detrimental to their health, that's not ok... i don't see fat as people who are necessarily overweight or even obese... i don't consider plus sized overweight unless the person is sloppy about it... there's a fine line, but there IS a difference...
well enough about the weight issue and on to my terrible night last night... we ate out at perkins! i ordered the shrimp basket with herb rice rather than french fries... i did eat the roll but with very minimal amounts of butter (i mean not even enough to be a whole tsp)... when i got home, i looked up the calories on their website and put it into the WW calculator to figure out points.. HOLY *BEEEEEEEEEEEEP* you know that meal cost me 28 points! and i only get 20 points a day! that was on top of what i had already eaten for lunch, breakfast and snack! the most ridiculous point, yes that wasn't even the worst of it, i was so depressed over the whole thing i chose to comfort myself with even more food! what an idiot! i just figured, well i blew it for the week, so now it's over, i'm done... so great, now i have to pick up the pieces of my stupidity and try to manage through the rest of this week without going over by too much eat day since i only have 7.5 weekly points remaining! another thing is that i had every intention to jog, well let's be honest - walk, on the treadmill last night and didn't do that either!
i go around and comment on blogs and try to give advice and the i don't even listen to myself! NO MORE! if i can't listen to myself then i can't give the advice... so for punishment today, i'm not commenting on anyone where i will be giving advice, only encouragement... i'm not mad at myself for eating out... 28 points? i can get over that.. it's what i did afterward that i'm sooooo ticked about! and i don't even have anyone to blame... and it put me in an edgy mood and i snapped at my hubby for something silly and grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... this has to stop!
now on top of getting over my past i have to get over my present... i feel like i'm even worse off than i was before... but overall, it's not ok for me to live like i was (fat)... and these struggles? well they'll be worth it in the end...
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