ok, so this one needs a little background... one day, i was driving along minding my own business with my youngest stepdaughter in the car (she must have been about 10 at the time, so three years ago approx.)... all of a sudden, this lady pulls out in front of me... we almost hit! AND i saw her in the car blubbering about something and giving ME a dirty look like it was MY fault! so, forgetting about my stepdaughter and letting my teensy (ok lotsa) road rage take over, i flipped her off... my stepdaughter goes "CRYCAL!!" (that nickname i have no story for... just one day it evolved from crystal and stuck.... now she calls me either crycal or crikey and the older one and my husband call me cryc)... anyways, so i blamed it on my alter-ego 'sally'... right there, at that moment, it just blurted out of my mouth and has stuck around ever since... anytime i do something bad, we always blame it on 'sally'... for example, one time, my stepdaughter and i were at the salvation army and the yellow tagged items were half off... and we were trying to find a cheap shirt for a halloween costume... we found one, but it had a blue tag... so we switched the tag with something else that had a yellow one... i know i know, who rips off the SALVATION ARMY right? well, sally of course...
so last night, after a huge binge, i had a revelation... it's SALLY! sally, my evil alter-ego, is coming to life and forcing me to eat everything in the house! hey, if drazil can name her fat (click here for one of the most hilarious and highly recommended blogs you will ever read), i can blame my binges on sally... which, sally and i are one, so it's not like i'm that much of a whack job to try to blame it on another person, or that i actually believe it's a split personality or something...
so anyways, yeah, sally visited last night... i did good, well ok, relatively good, for all of monday and tuesday... then BAM wednesday started with about five after school snacks... then supper (three tacos, in celebration of cinco de mayo of course)... then everything in the house... it got to the point where i was on my way from the kitchen to the livingroom and my hubby grabbed both of what i was holding (pretzels and peanut butter, yum) and said STOP... he ended up relenting and giving me back the pretzels, but i never did get to eat the peanut butter :(... it didn't stop at the pretzels, but after that i only ate about three more things before i finally quit (at which point my stomach was sooooo full i couldn't breathe)...
my question to myself - what triggers this? i had a great day yesterday... seriously? i eat when i'm happy AND when i'm depressed?? GREAT... now i'm going to have to be completely emotionless for the rest of my life... or maybe angry all the time... grrrrrrrr... nope, that's not going to work...
either way, i'm not going to let this ruin my whole week for once... that's my usual pattern... i make the decision to start over again - on monday... why always start on monday? so thursday is the new monday... and if necessary, so is friday... i always do great great on mondays because it's a fresh new start... no matter how i'm feeling that day, i have the courage to start over and try again... even though i've already had two and a half cookies and a brownie this morning.. if i can just keep it to that minimum....
well anyways, it's thursday... that means one more day and then it's the weekend again!! yay!!
1 comment:
I totally get the eating when happy and sad. I saw a great number on the scale this morning (well, relatively great in the grand scheme of things) and I have had to fight the urge to binge all day. Part of that is stress and part of it is self-sabotage. I often sabotage my efforts to lose weight because there is part of me that is terrified of success. I haven't exactly figured out why yet, but I know there has to be a reason behind eating when I have done so well. I hope your day is better today and that Sally minds her manners :)
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