good morning...

...because, well, it is, finally, a good morning! and good morning to all :)

i'm so sorry for all the self-loathing and awful posts... when i created this blog, i tried making a promise to myself - never have a negative post... i mean, some things could be negative, but there HAD to be something positive mixed in... well, lately, i just haven't had anything positive to say...

but i, for the first time in quite a while, i feel great this morning... maybe it's because of all the negative posts i've written... maybe getting those feelings out have created a sense of relief... or maybe it's all the talking i've done with my husband... i'm not longer alone inside my head, because he finally knows what i've been dealing with... he still doesn't completely understand, but man is he trying his damnedest to be supportive... and he's doing a wonderful job...

sooooooooo on to why i feel great... last night, i had a great bike ride... i'm training for a 150 mile ride in june and so i ride quite often... my favorite times are when i ride with the group that i'm a part of... they are called the saddle soars cycling club (or something like that) and i've just joined recently as a part of doing the ms 150 ride... they are a great group of people, and they range greatly in riding ability... i'm a part of the 'c' group - 'a' meaning elite and practically pro, 'b' being a step down and 'c' being newbies and those who just like a casual ride... WELL last night, some 'a' guys came... and LET. ME. TELL. YOU... they are 'a' for a reason... they probably looked at me thinking holy this girl rides a bike? i mean, one of my thighs was two of theirs combined! they ride at an average of over 20 mph on a CASUAL ride!

we started off, and i was keeping up with them pretty well... that's when my usual 'c' group kind of fell behind... then these geniuses got us lost... they all argued about which way we were supposed to go... now, i'm not familiar at all with the roads that we were riding, but i had a feeling we missed a turn awhile back... being a newbie and extremely uncomfortable saying anything, i just kept my mouth shut... so needless to say, i was forced to keep up with them... and I DID! and at the end, a couple of them complimented me on riding so well... on the outside i held my head up and said thank you, no problem, it was fun, blah blah blah... but in my head i was bawling and crying!! not only in pain but in happiness... going up those hills, i barely kept up... by the top, boy, i was huffing and puffing... my legs were BURNING! but they didn't need to know all that, right? it really was rather funny, looking back now...

anyways, it was a real confidence booster... i may not be to their level, but i'm well on my way... and it truly was enjoyable... and for that hour and a half, i didn't think about food... that was the biggest relief... too bad i had stuffed myself horribly before we went... my stomach hurt and several times i thought i was gonna lose it all, right there on the side of the road... how embarrassing would that have been!?!?! but i kept it all in.. and because my stomach was so full and i felt so sick, i went home and didn't eat a SINGLE THING for the rest of the night!! no after dinner snack, before bedtime snack, after bedtime snack, etc etc etc... nope... not one...

tho i AM back with the same struggles this morning as always - when will i get to eat again?! but hey, at least, for one evening, i was relieved of my mental duties as an insane overeater... it was refreshing and a feeling i desperately crave again... too bad they don't ride every night! AND it made me feel so good this morning... as a matter of fact i actually enjoyed my ride to work today... don't get me wrong, i love riding my bike... but riding back and forth to work has become rather daunting... but i will force myself to continue for the sake of training for the ride...

anyways, enjoy your day... enjoy your weekend!