it's monday...

so that means it's official, the MS 150 is THIS WEEKEND!! AHHHH!!! it's kind of surreal... i mean, i've been preparing for this since november, and back then, it seemed like a lifetime away... i feel like i've gone backwards in my training... i did soooo well from november to about march... then the spring hit and i gained 25 pounds and got lazy... this is what worries me the most... i haven't trained like i should have since march... i mean, i still rode my bike and i'm actually up to over 500 miles worth of riding (which i started in march), but still... it makes me really nervous about this weekend... how in the h-e-double-hockeysticks am i going to go 85 miles in one day AND then 65 the next?????

well enough of the whining and, well, on to some more :) i HAVE to get my eating under control... i actually haven't been doing BAD per se, but i'm not doing good either... we've been going out to eat too much - i really need to get back to cooking more... which is totally a goal for this summer...

as a matter of fact, i have LOTS of goals for this summer, and not all are weight related... first of all, i really need to keep up with the housework... if i'd just sweep every once in a while rather than letting it pile up, it wouldn't take an hour and a half to sweep the house (see, we have a collie, and his hair is RIDICULOUS and covers our ENTIRE house!)... we spent most of yesterday cleaning EVERYTHING and it feels so good to sit here and not look at dog hair on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink, etc etc etc... again, if i just keep up with it, cleaning day wouldn't be so bad... i wouldn't dread it so much that i put it off... and i think some of the stress on my relationship with my husband would be relieved... i mean, we don't fight about housework and he NEVER demands that i do anything - trust me, he knows better than that - but i think deep down he wishes i were better at housework... anyways, my other goals, which are weight related, include the usual - working out, eating right, losing weight... i hope that by the end of the summer i'm relatively close to where i was a few months ago... i cry everytime i look at my very first post on here... go check it out for yourself - quote unquote i'm 140 pounds... yeah, i freaking WAS 140 pounds!! have you NOTICED my weigh-ins for LHA??? 161....

anyways, i read some blogs over the weekend and discovered a cool thing that some people are doing, which is a blog hop... you can sign in and post your blog on theirs, while visiting other people's at the same time... i want to participate, so i'll probably post a blog hop on here later or tomorrow... see, i don't necessarily care about followers, but i like to see who visits me, and i LOVE 'meeting' new people... i follow TONS of blogs, but over the time since i've started blogging, i've really found a select few that i truly enjoy and look forward to... a blog hop like that helps me find even more that i enjoy...

anyways, so look forward to that coming soon to a theater near you... happy monday er-body!!

while everyone else is getting thinner...

i taught my step aerobics class tonight... i'm still pretty new at it, but i'm getting better... i started off with four people in my class, which has been typical since the weather has gotten so nice... anyways, i tried to implement a new step... see, i get really bored with the same steps all the time, and if i'm bored, my 'students' have to be too this is the elementary school teacher coming out of me!! so anyways, it was a rather tough move... and i was struggling a little with calling the steps and trying to get the people to understand... when broken down, it's actually a pretty simple move, but all together it's one where you have to move and think quickly... as i noticed everyone having a hard time, i switched up how i was teaching it and broke it down into repeating one move at a time again my elementary teacher side peeking through and it helped, but when i tried to put it all together again, i lost them... needless to say, two people walked out of my class... and being that i only had the four to start, that's half my class... after about four times through it, the remaining two really caught on and the rest of the class went very smoothly, but the damage had already been done... i felt awful..

after that let down, the instructor of the class right after mine walked in... i wouldn't call us friends, but we're more than aquaitances, you know? well anyways, i noticed she's looking thinner lately, so i asked how much she's lost... 20 pounds! good for her!! but for as happy for her that i am, it makes me even more upset with myself for gaining as much as she's lost... just another person to add to the list of people i know who've lost weight and look great...

i have to STOP with this freaking pity party tho!! my issues have gone from depression, to anger, to frustration, and now to self-pity... i haven't been binging lately, but i know i've been eating way too much to lose weight... probably enough to gain, actually... and i just feel bad for myself... i just look at other people and think 'poor poor crystal... can't wear her bathing suit that fit only four months ago but is way too tight now... poor poor crystal... while everyone else is getting thinner, i'm getting bigger and bigger'... it's pathetic!i'm really hoping this is the last part of the process i have to go through mentally before i can focus my efforts on weight loss... you know, like the stages of grief or something... i don't know... why does this have to be SO FREAKING HARD?

well, on a positive note, there is just over a week until my ms 150 ride... i'm nervous, but really excited at the same time... i just found out that there's going to be a big party after the first day... see, we ride about 85 miles the first day and then stay at a college campus to stay the night, and then finish the rest of the ride the next day... while we're on campus, they are going to have a big dinner and then a band playing after... and during the band, yep, they're going to have a beer garden... a BEER GARDEN! how great is that?!?!

well i totally missed the LHA weigh in for this week... i did weigh myself, and showed a 2 pound gain (which i'm not stressing over since i let loose over the holiday weekend), but i never did get the chance to post my information... i usually post in the morning before i have to take my first group of students, but the schedule at school's been crazy because it's the last week... as a matte of fact, today was the last for the students and tomorrow is the last for the teachers... it's a bittersweet feeling...

so i guess for as low as things feel, there ARE things to look forward to and feel good about, right?

what a weekend!!

my five day weekend was WONDERFUL!! eating and drinking - not so great, but it was worth it... my family enjoyed lots of time together just hanging out, playing games and eating yummy dishes that we only really have once or twice a year... so i'm pretty much expecting a gain this week, but i'm over it...

i was pretty depressed yesterday tho... over the winter, two of my pretty good friends lost a bunch of weight - whereas i gained a bunch - so they were sporting cute new bathingsuits and i had to cover every nasty inch of myself :( i was so uncomfortable hanging out by the pool... i wanted to sew everyone's eyes shut so they couldn't look at my rolls and cottage cheese legs... i also got pretty burnt and now have weird tan lines... grrrr! AND it's not like i have time to change this, so i'm stuck with this body for the rest of the summer, because it's going to take at least that long to try to get back into shape...

anyways, i did still eat pretty much like a normal person over the weekend... i did stuff myself a little, but not too overboard, and i limited my sugar intake... well, all the sugar other than what was in my margarita mix! my plans for the next two weeks - TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN!! my ms 150 ride is not this weekend but next and i'm FREAKING OUT!!

happy tuesday everyone! :)